The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
