you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
