he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She even gives head with a lisp.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
