Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
