just come out here and I will go home with you...
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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