i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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