Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
