marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
