And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
