I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
