He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
