it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
