Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
