I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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