Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
