honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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