Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
