Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize