if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
