You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
