Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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