I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
