Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
