i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
