Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Randomize
