apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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