yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
