her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
