i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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