i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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