I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
