9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
