Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
