I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
