Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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