I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
