Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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