no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
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There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
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It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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