what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
