we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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