Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You took a bar mat shot.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
