do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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