the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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