I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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