Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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