I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
But theres a keg here and me gusta
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
