from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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