omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
