A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
