he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
