i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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