you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
