Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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