she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
