We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
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All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
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lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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