We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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