I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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