really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
