You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize