Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
