Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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