I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
