I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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