i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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