What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
