Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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