I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
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