He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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