The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
