Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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