She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
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My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
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I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
tell me about the eggs
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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