she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Four minutes until I can fart!
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
