i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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