Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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