The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
