We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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