My hair reeks of homosexuality.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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