I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
