Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
